A Day In The Life of Zachary

Hello my lovlies.

So life is getting irritating- like very. My mother is driving me nuts. Completely nuts. She is constantly harassing me about everything- it's like christ.

I finally have some hours to work tonight and now I don't wanna work- couldn't give me the hours you normally do- nope- had to screw everyone out of hours. Whatever- Ill work one day a week there after tomorrow. I start work at my old job again on monday. Yay for getting paid bank. Im stoked. Though between work and school- Ill be signing my life away for awhile- but that's ok cause it really doesn't matter- it'll be good for me.

I really need to get into the dating scene. I keep getting asked "So got a boyfriend yet?" and I'm like no- am I supposed to? It's kinda that friendly reminder that you don't got a man. It's not that I don't want one- it's that I just don't have one. Maybe no one is interested- I dunno. It'd just be nice.

It's highland fest! Ill be there tonight- after work. Drunk. Yay whiskey. Everybody should come- get tanked and have fun!

My birthday is in 9 days. I dunno what's going on for it or for anybody else's birthday for that matter. Everybody's poor. Yay Mr.Bush- no jobs, no money, and expensive gas- you're the best prez we've ever had!!! *note sarcasm*


Ok Im done hating everything right now.

SO Im doing something I havn't done in forever and that is posting a random blog about how Im about to go to the club and go dance like a monkey and have the best time of my life bitches! Chillin' at Greg and Brian's having a cocktail or six with Michele, Amy, Vanessa, Greg, Brian, Nicholas, Daniel, and izbith- but yes enjoyment shall be had- you kids have a fun sunday night.

Just another dead fag to you.
Just another light missing,
on a long taxi ride.

when your down to your last cigarette
and this we are one crap
as your invading
this thing you call love
she smiles way too much, well,
Im glad your on my side.... still.




So Im going to start working out even more so that before- because I want results. All I've been doing is keeping toned- well now it's time to kick it up a notch, I wanna be hot and sexy with an all extra toned stomach and such. That's my near future goal by the time of my birthday, so I now have 29 days to become sexy!

Jalapeno and Cheddar chips are the SHIT! I love them.

PRIDE WAS FUCKING AWESOME. Mostly.

Ill start on Thursday- Worked, ya know the usual. Then I think we went to Daniel's house and got tanked and proceeded to the Saloon that night. Danced like monkeys- 'twas fabulous.

Friday- Nicholas got Tequila, Vodka, Mota- We went.... somewhere. Oh yeah we had to wait for him to get all that stuff and then we proceeded to the block party- which we were only there for a little bit becuase we had errands and stuff to take care of before hand and then the block party ended at 10:30-ish. So after we went to the 90's were we were tanked and danced like monkeys- 'twas grand.

Saturday- woke up mild headache- BUT we fixed that right away with MORE BOOZE! We were drunk by 1:30 Pride by 2, we chilled there for awhile- I ran into a bunch of people I know and then it started raining. So we eventually decide to bus home since none of us drove- well on the bus home we meet Antonio- he was on drugs, prolly drunk and talking to his 'friend' (whom I decided was named Raul) we couldn't see Raul- Ill leave it at that. Well then he starts like molesting Daniel. Ok so Antonio and Raul are faggots- cool whatever- don't touch us. Well we try ignoring him but it just wasn't working- so then we mildly tickle his fancy by chatting with him- well Im like NOT listening to him at all as he rambles in and out of English- but he said something and I just was like "sure" well he gets off the bus with us- follows us down the block- so we ran into some store for some shit- and then we book it out cause he had to wait in line- we then run up the block cut through some dark alleys and hop on a different bus up a couple blocks. NO QUIEREMOS CHINGAR ANTONIO! Well we get back home, drink more then we go the 90's and dance like monkeys (see a pattern?) oh and at the club I ran into my cute lil Juanito! I love that boy! He's so much fun and so damn cute!

Sunday- we get up at like 11- NO DAYTIME DRINKING THIS TIME! We couldn't- we're not that gross. But we hit up pride for awhile have our fun- go back to Daniels eventually and then we chilled there for awhile- and eventually the whole fucking crew comes- we had Nicholas, Daniel, Michele, Vanessa, Amy, and Myself. We went to the Saloon Block party- we say Kimberly Locke- which made me happy because she rocked the house! Then we eventually went into the club and we danced our HEARTS OUT! Oh god it was -SO- much fun, like -SOOOO- much fun! Im so glad some of my oldshool clubbers came with! I miss having them at the club!

And that was the end of Pride- Thank you Minneapolis for kicking ass!

Now for me- Yesterday- I hung out with Nigbot, and Vanessa- we went to Osseo/Brooklyn Center to a fabric store- Niggy is having a quilt maid. Then we played Skipbo- and after that Nes and I hit up Michele's house where we chilled and her neighbors came over and invited us over to play- so we eneded up partying more! I didn't drink as much as I had because that would have been gross- but I had a good time. I met some new people- not that I hadn't ALL FUCKIN WEEKEND LONG- but ya know, I love new people- they are always so much fun. and I love playing the how much can I learn about you in one sitting hahaha. I know Crazy ass shit. But yeah that was my last like 5 days. FUCKING AWESOME Best mini-vacation EVER.

So this evening I had to hide from the Police- We were at the Beach after dark- we were hiding behind this ridge right- he could have walked up to it and looked down and saw us perfectly- It was thrilling and Scarey- I don't want tresspassing tickets- or the fact that Michele had beer and we're all under age- but it was exciting, For sure something I havn't done in quite sometime.

and no one is to be found... hmmmm.....

So- my family is fucked. I've decided this. My mother is super stressed and super busy- she works and goes to school and basically provides for the rest of them (Im not entirely included in 'them') but she is going to snap one of these days soon and just hit town. Great lovely- My brother- told my mother ON MOTHER'S DAY that he smokes- weed and cigs- I was like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HER THAT- she was crushed by it- he was convinced she didn't care- Im like you made her cry! I don't care that he smokes weed and cigs- for I do too- and he knows that we smoke together sometimes- but he needs to get his shit together- he is going to succumb to nothing. If he would just do his shit- then he could smoke all he wants- kinda like a reward ya know? But he doesn't he skips school (more than I ever did and I did a lot) He fucks around and does NOTHING. Then he bitches when he doesn't get something and then my mother just gives into him- it's beyond irritating. Which takes me to my father- for some reason my father loathes my brother. I don't know why- other than the aspect of Travis does nothing with himself- but neither does my father- he's 'depressed' so he sits at home and sulks about it all fucking day and doesn't do anything and it's pissing my mother off. I heard the word the divorce come up- and I just disregarded it. Maybe it needs to be an option- but like that is going to help out Travis at all- that'll fuck him up more- and like we need that to happen- he's fucked for life as his- lets help it out some more right? I can't sit here and watch them unravel a horrible fate- I can't. I won't be the one to try and keep things going either- It shouldn't be MY responisbility to try and fix things, try and balance out the good and the bad- it's not my job to keep this family together- Im sick of being the mediator- It wasn't supposed to be like this- I moved out in the first place to get away from all this shit- to give them something else to think about, other than how much they all piss each other off. Im stressed out because of them. My brother needs to grow up and get his shit together, my father needs to do the same thing- though I have given up hope on him, and my mother needs to just chill the fuck out. I told her to take her sister (my aunt) and go up to t duluth or something and take a vacation. And she was like we don't have any money- and I told her it can't always be about the money- If she hits town they are fucked- She bounces, Im out too- fuck'em- Im not going to be the one to hold those two together when she takes off. Mom bounces I say peace the fuck out.

Im fixing my car today too. Not that I have any money to really do that with but hey Im used to being broke

Zach's pimpery you catch'em we hook'em

So this update really isn't important but I want to learn Latin.

ya know- It just isn't fair. I miss 'Mommy' I have -SO- much that I want to call her and tell her. And I want to hear about things she has to say, about her life and how things are going, but.... I can't- that would be a breach of contract. I think Im ready to like, look into an actual boyfriend too. Like something a little more serious then what I have been doing hahah- and that has just been sex. I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I don't miss Nathan- sepcifically- but I miss the relationship. It just sucks cause I really did enjoy my time with him- but oh well- gotta find another. I just want some of my friends back, and someone to love.


I wrote a poem in my myspace blog
www.myspace.com/darkice15

I GOT LAID! 'Bout fucking time too- it'd been, like 5 or 6 weeks, I know that isn't that long, but when you're a Nympho like me- that's a long time! And it was awesome sex! Ill spare the gorey details hehe, but oh god Im so not crabby anymore.

He sent me an e-mail- essentially saying he knows he fucked up hardcore- he's sorry for all the shit that's gone down and he doesn't want to hate each other- and that he essentially still loves me but knows he fucked that up with me already. So As I said to myself when he broke up with me "I give it a month till he realizes" and exactly ONE month to the day of him breaking up with me, does he send me this e-mail. See I knew him that well. But I'm glad he wants to be civil- I have no problem doing that.

I dumped my first plate of food on the floor today!! Im such a putz haha, It's funny!

I love that when it comes down to it- Im the 'bad' guy. Whatever, Im in a good mood today, and fuck anyone whom tries to kill it.

So, as usual- the longer time goes by, the more people piss me off. I think we're reaching a record high of Zachary's irritation level. Ok, Im fairly resiliant- or at least I like to believe I am, and no I don't get flaming irately pissed off over stupid shit- and with the way people are being, the way life is going, and the way shit just is- pisses me off. I can't take a lot of stupid shit from a lot of stupid people- but to have to take shit from people that mean something to me- that gets to me, and it crawls under my skin and it itches and drives me nuts. Now- I understand, people are worried about me getting hurt, and being stupid, etc. I think, that the best way for me to get the fuck over Nathan completely is to find someone else, not even necessarily a boyfriend, but like new guy friends that I could date when Im ready to, and if that means making minor attachments to say Bjoern, then fine- Im going to make some attachments to Bjoern, if we don't get together than cool, he's a friend- now is there something wrong with trying to find a boy to take my mind off of the past? If I don't do this, then Im going to sit here, all the time sad and depressed (like I am now) crying about how I miss Nathan- No I won't miss someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about me. I won't love someone whom isn't worth my time anymore. So rather than wasting my heart away on someone whom obviously
has no need for me, Im going to meet other people to share my feelings with, share my mind with and maybe share my heart with- when Im ready to do that. I do believe that I would best know when Im ready to give my heart away again, far sooner than anyone else would know. Yes, I do listen to what people have to say- and yes I do take in advice, and yes I think about what people have said to me. Though- not every piece of advice is great advice, and not everyone's advice can be applied to me, and Im sorry that if you think you're advice is god send for you, but in actuality- it very well could be different for me. Has anyone thought that maybe I had tried everyone's advice, or that I attempt to use other's advice and that it just isn't working for me? I don't think anyone took that into consideration because I was too busy being pointed at and yelled at. I do care. I care far fucking more than anyone knows. So before anyone starts telling me what I know and don't know, and what I think and don't think- please take some time to realize that maybe I did that already, and maybe it's not working for me before you tell me I don't listen and I do nothing but hurt myself and everyone around me. I love you guys very much, and it hurts when I lose the ones so dear to me, I don't want to lose anyone else- I've lost plenty this past month- and what I could really use is some help with being ok, so before we begin this fest of belittling, try and see all the aspects. Because yes- I have taken everything into consideration and I have tried everyone's "god send" advice, but not everyone knows what they are talking about all the time, and not everyone REALLY knows how I feel sometimes, no matter how much you tell me that you do. Cause if people truly understood how I felt inside right now, then none of this would have happened- and things would be fine, and people would have been respected.

I hate everything.

Well Im glad I have the backings of specific people whom shall remain nameless for reasons of they need not be brought into anything, but so I talked to him about all of it and he agrees with me, which made me happy because it's like what the fuck- I dunno, I just wish you could be happy for me, but I guess that's too much to ask of anyone these days. -sigh- I just want to bleed.


I wish I had a metal heart, I could cross the line
I wish I was half as good as you think I am